


Everything in the Garden is Lovely

by peachtartpie



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Regency, Fluff, Inspired by Austenland (2013), Light Angst, M/M, Minor Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Pining, Romance, Slow Burn, many gratuitous jane austen cliches, regency... but it's complicated
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:27:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29016576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachtartpie/pseuds/peachtartpie
Summary: "Eden Grove, it said, was a Jane Austen-themed resort where people could live out their Regency fantasies and make their wildest, Darcy-fueled dreams come true.And Ezra had gone and booked himself a one-month stay."Or: the Austenland AU you never knew you needed.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Anathema Device, Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	Everything in the Garden is Lovely

**Author's Note:**

> personally, i don't think enough people talk about austenland, and i wanted to yell about it more, so i wrote this! want to yell with me? i'm on tumblr @peachtartpie and i'm always happy to discuss!!

The envelope was vaguely threatening in a way that no piece of mail had the right to be. 

There it was, taking up space on his already-cluttered desk and practically daring him to open it, which he had no intentions of doing. Ezra was generally of the mind that it was unwise to go around opening envelopes you didn’t recognize, even if they did have your name and address on the front. 

He picked the missive up carefully and examined it again, frowning in confusion. The thick, cream-colored stationery and gold lettering seemed formal, like a wedding invitation, although Ezra couldn’t think of any acquaintances who might be getting married in the near future. 

Then again, if it was a wedding invitation, it would be very rude not to reply. And weddings were some of his favorite events to attend, what with all of that dancing and champagne. 

Spurred on by thoughts of politeness and cake, Ezra delicately opened the envelope and pulled out a matching letter. 

_ Mr. Ezra Fell,  _

_ We at Eden Grove are looking forward to your arrival next Monday morning. In order to make your stay with us as delightful and rewarding as possible, please read these terms carefully.  _

_ The estate will be pleased to house you for the next month. You will have private accommodations, meals, and access to a period-appropriate wardrobe. Please feel free to bring up to two trunks’ worth of other necessities with you to ensure your comfort.  _

_ At Eden Grove, we pride ourselves on providing a highly immersive experience. To ensure historical accuracy, we respectfully request that all modern technological items be surrendered upon point of entry. This includes, but is not limited to, cell phones, laptops, and tablets. As a guest, you agree that if you are found to be in possession of any of these items, we reserve the right to terminate your stay with us immediately.  _

_ On Monday morning at seven-thirty, a car will arrive to take you to the estate. Please be punctual. The rest of the conditions of your stay will be communicated to you during orientation.  _

_ Thank you for choosing Eden Grove! We simply cannot wait to meet you.  _

_ -Lord Gabriel and the Grove Staff _

Ezra was slightly put out when the second reading of the letter made no more sense than the first. It wasn’t a wedding invitation, that much was clear. He had never heard of Eden Grove and he didn’t know any Lord Gabriel, let alone one who would invite Ezra to stay with him for a month. Besides, Ezra couldn’t accept the offer, even if he wanted to – he had a bookstore to run, thank you very much. 

It could be junk mail, Ezra supposed. In that case, the letter was better off in the bottom of his wastebasket. But he just couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that something about it was familiar. 

A quick search on the bookshop’s singular desktop computer revealed that Eden Grove was, in fact, a mistake. A very expensive, very embarrassing mistake.

Ezra loved Jane Austen. How could he not? He adored her novels and, like any good Janeite, reserved a special place in his heart for  _ Pride and Prejudice. _

On an unrelated note, last week, Ezra had unwound from a stressful day of bookselling by enjoying a bottle of merlot while rewatching the 1995 miniseries starring Colin Firth. 

One bottle quickly became two, and before Ezra knew it, he was well and truly sloshed. So sloshed, in fact, that he vaguely remembered sliding into some kind of romantic existential crisis. A wet-shirted Mr. Darcy had sent him spiraling. Wasn’t he just like Lizzy Bennet in his own right? Where was his Mr. Darcy? Didn’t he deserve one, after so many years spent alone? And so on. 

Eventually, a morose Ezra had found himself on the very same website he was currently staring at. Eden Grove, it said, was a Jane Austen-themed resort where people could live out their Regency fantasies and make their wildest, Darcy-fueled dreams come true. 

And Ezra had gone and booked himself a one-month stay. 

For $10,000.

Ezra sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose. Money he didn’t have for a purchase he absolutely did not need. The website’s “No Refunds” clause seemed to mock him onscreen. 

It was just like him to get caught up in something so unrealistic, Ezra thought. Usually, when he had these flights of fancy, Anathema was there to stop him from getting carried away. And he usually tried to avoid getting so inebriated on his own – it’s just that Ezra so does appreciate the occasional quality alcoholic beverage. 

After a minute, Ezra grabbed his mobile from underneath a stack of paperwork and dialed Anathema’s number. She picked up on the second ring, just like always. 

“It’s six on a Friday, shouldn’t you be getting ready to go out?” 

Ezra smiled. “Hello Anathema, how have you been?”

“That’s not an answer. I thought we agreed you were making an effort to be more social.”

“ _ I  _ didn’t agree to anything,” Ezra replied patiently. “ _ You _ demanded I drag myself to a bar and meet someone, and I said I would consider it.”

“Ezra,” came the usual scolding, “you have to get out of that bookshop. You know, you’ll never get anywhere just by waiting for Mr. Right to waltz in and buy a book, or something.”

“Well, the real Mr. Right wouldn’t buy anything,” Ezra countered. “And I should hope there won’t be any waltzing. But you’re distracting me – I actually called with a favor to ask of you.”

“Sure, I’ll set you up with someone. What about James?”

_ “Anathema.” _

“Fine, but I still think you’d like him. He’s nice, and he makes great coffee.”

“I highly doubt your eligible barista bachelor would be interested in me.”

“He’s seen your picture and he wasn’t  _ not _ interested. Anyway, what’s the favor?”

“Anathema, you’re not seriously going around–” Ezra paused, took a deep breath, and started again. “Fancy a vacation?”

“A vacation?” she snorted. “You’ve never left London.”

“There are extenuating circumstances. I may have, well, not accidentally but also not entirely on purpose, purchased a… a getaway, of sorts,” Ezra faltered. 

“Oh, like to a beach somewhere?” Anathema cut in. “That could be fun!”

“No, not exactly. More like a resort, I suppose.”

“And you’re sure it’s not on a beach? Ezra, I don’t understand. What’s going on?”

Ezra tucked the phone into his shoulder and wrung his hands. “Oh, Anathema, I’ve been so foolish,” he lamented. “It’s some kind of Jane Austen-themed hotel that’s hours away and it’s terribly expensive and I wouldn’t ask you, only I spent so much money and I can’t get it back and I don’t know what else to do–”

“Okay, slow down. It’s like a reenactment thing?”

“No, not quite,” Ezra sighed. “We would wear costumes and stay in a large estate and act like we’re in a Jane Austen novel. It’s beyond ridiculous, I know.”

“Oh. That’s all?” 

“It would be for a month.” Ezra cringed at the resulting silence from Anathema’s end. 

“Sure, I’ll come!” she said, just as Ezra was beginning to wish the line would go dead.

His eyes widened. “Please, not just on my account–”

“No, I think it might be fun,” she assured him. “And it’s not like I have anything else going on right now. Plus, you could use an adventure.”

“You’re sure?”

“Positive,” she said firmly, and Ezra knew there was no arguing with that tone of voice. “When do we leave?”

“Monday. Anathema, thank you. I mean it.”

“Oh, stop.” Ezra could hear her eyes roll through the phone. “Who knows, maybe we’ll find you an old-timey boyfriend or something. Weirder things have happened.”

“If that would make it worth your while, then sure.”

“Honestly, Ezra, it sounds exciting. Send me the details and I’ll make sure I’m ready on Monday. I have to go - but the night is still young!”

“Not young enough. Bye, Anathema.”

“Bye!”

Ezra ended the call and set his mobile back down with a sigh. Bless Anathema, honestly, for her rock-solid support of Ezra’s questionable choices. 

As he puttered around the shop, closing up for the day, he couldn’t help but start to feel a little excited. He really had never left London, and with Anathema by his side, the entire affair seemed less daunting. Maybe she was right, maybe he would meet someone. He supposed it wasn’t impossible, all things considered. 

He hit the light switch and began the long ascent upstairs to his flat. 

Did he even own a suitcase?


End file.
